Hallowawesome.

Halloween these days is about finding a theme, prefixing it with 'sexy' and then seeing how ridiculously short your skirt can get before everyone can see your Tuesday pants. So, with that in mind, here are some of my favourite costumes for this year:

The Prize for Bucking the Trend goes to:

'Adult Pirate Ghost Ship'

Man, everyone does the pirate thing these days. It's all about the vessel now. Go one step further and jam your feet through any rival pirate boats to show you're serious about this piratey thing.

The Prize for Most Misleading goes to:

'Adult Witchy-Poo Sexy Witch'

Just a normal witch, right? Wrong. Look at the name. Look at the tiny broomstick. Look at the way she holds it. Look at her eyes. She's about to shove something somewhere, and you don't want to stick around to find out.

The Prize for Just Plain Wrong goes to:

'Adult Fever Skeleton Costume'

HER HIPS. ARE IN. HER STOMACH.

The Prize for Completely Nonsensical goes to:

'Adult Zombieland Killer Bee'

Bees... With Chainsaws... Zombies? What? 

The Joint Prize for WTF goes to:

'School Puppy'

'Princess Leia Bikini Puppy'

Someone, at some point, has thought 'there aren't nearly enough costumes based on male fantasies for dogs!' Thus, these moral abortions were created.

The Prize for 'How Would That Fit Any Possible Theme' goes to:

'Bingo Card'

I just can't think of any party at which this would be suitable. Or why the model is so darn excited about being something as mundane as a piece of paper with numbers on it...

The Prize for Genuinely Creepiest Costume goes to:

'Crazy Cat Lady'

Taking crazy to a whole new level, this costume implies that you collect cats... only to stick their disembodied heads onto your dressing gown (and head). Who is this costume based on? If anyone has seen this cat serial killer, alert the RSPCA, the police, a mental hospital, or just any cats in the general area. Lock your cat-flaps, people.